I was driving home today and it suddenly hit me that this year might be the first year in my 26 years of life that I’m secretly, semi-excited for winter, and it kind of scares me to admit it. There was something about the setting sun reflecting off of the very first snowfall of the year, however, that made the view from my window completely breathtaking. My freezing body had subsided for a moment and for the first time in weeks I felt at peace.
I felt like myself.
As you know, there have been a lot [i mean a lot] of changes happening in my life right now. To spare you the details of the last few months I’ll just fill you in by saying that I’ve had quite the job changes and reversing those changes, an increase in clientele, and I’m officially 12 weeks pregnant. Our baby is the size of a lime and well, out of all of the chaos, this just fills me with so much joy!
Until this point, however, I was struggling emotionally with some areas of my life which in turn affected my ability to see happiness in the present moment. I felt like a part of myself was missing and I could not for the life of me figure out what, or even why for that matter. I woke up sad. I went to bed sad. I wasn’t enjoying writing or reading or vinyasas – all of the things that make me, me. And so I prayed. I prayed before I rested and when I woke up. While I was running and during every free moment I had. I prayed by myself and with others. I worshipped. I cried. I tried, with every ounce of energy I had left to give praise even when it seemed impossible. Looking back on the last seven weeks of my life I’m almost certain that I asked for God’s help more often than not. I found myself feeling impatient and weak and although it was difficult to see all of the good in my life, I just kept praying.
What I’ve learned through all of this is infinite. It goes even deeper than the lime-sized life that slowly continues to grow inside of me. It has taught me that God is more certain than any piece of doubt we ever feel. He is greater than even the best moments that will ever occur in our lives, and he works in a way that somehow turns our weakest points into our strongest ones. I told myself that I never wanted to experience the last two months again. I’m rethinking this now, however, because it was during that time that I learned and accepted that God’s plan and the time he spends working on us each and every day are moments to be cherished.
Life is adventure. God is adventure. And this is my prayer to you.